The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

It's a damn shame when someone over fifty goes shopping for "closes", and her man is "pacient"...not to mention all the things she "dose". Gawd.

The word for the day....was DUCKS.



Around noon, a customer came in and said "did you know, you have a mama duck and 8 ducklings alongside your building?"



We all dashed out to see. There was the mama wood duck, and her little family, having a rest in the shade before heading down to the river, which was about a block away. The babies were only a few hours old and cheeping, very cute.



My bosses decided that, since there was a busy street nearby, they would help herd the babies down to the river, so they wouldn't get hit by a car or something. So we got a big empty cardboard box and started catching ducklings. The mama was nearby all the while, quacking anxiously.



But, dammit if those little things didn't scoot....RIGHT INTO OUR STORE!! Chasing 8 baby ducklings around was a freaking nightmare. They couldns't fly yet, but they were so little they got into corners and cubbyholes we couldn't reach, and we didn't want to hurt them. One customer got his fishing net out of his car and we used that to get a few ducklings, and the rest we got by just waiting for them to move then grabbing. They were so little and soft, I had a great time cuddling them and trying to calm them down.



Eventually we collected all 8, and my bosses got them down to the river while I stayed behind to mind the store. The babies were released on the riverbank and mama duck flew right down to find them. They all paddled off together, hopefully none the worse for their little adventure.



I just loved this. I love animals anyway, any sort of pet really, and to meet a sort of wild creature and hold it was such a treat. I remember one time a few years ago a friend and I went to the county fair, and I headed straight for the petting zoo, and damn if there wasn't a baby elephant. When he rooted around in my hand for the peanut I started bawling, I was so touched. Bet the other people thought I was a fruitcake.



I'm such an old softie.

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thanatoswhisper
02:20 May 28 2010

I' m so jealous! That's what the work world needs is the occasional duck visit to the store lol

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Bijou
02:48 May 28 2010

I love stories like these.

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POST COMMENT

"I have being and rated you fairly."





Bitch, please.

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TheDarkWolfman
01:20 May 26 2010

I have being reading your journals.

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ThothLestat
02:17 May 26 2010

I have am commented your journal.

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thanatoswhisper
03:18 May 26 2010

I have is snooping through your journal as well!

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Sinora
10:42 May 26 2010

Am can have cheezeburger now pls ?....oh sorry wrong site :)

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RedQueen
22:34 May 26 2010

And let me guess....a ONE is rated fair?



Sinora...I love you...lol

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CarnelianMyst
00:34 May 27 2010

She actually rated me well. It was the wording on her stamp which made me facepalm!

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DestroyingAngel
06:59 May 27 2010

*giggles* WOW!!! lol.

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POST COMMENT

My boss' middle daughter thought it was really cute to publish a whole load of prom pics on her facebook page..including a few that showed her french kissing her girlfriend and showing off her thong. (Hey, aren't we all bi these days?)



Boss had no idea what was going on till I mentioned it. He got a look and stormed out at lunch time, came back to work with his daughter's cell phone, laptop and various other items. "And she can kiss that car goodbye, too," he growled. Honestly, he needs to keep better track of what his girls do. They just don't have boundaries, so they don't understand what is acceptable and what is not. They are getting ready to graduate and don't know how to make change or do laundry. God help them.

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thanatoswhisper
01:42 May 25 2010

can I have her car? lol

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CelestiaLaura202
01:57 May 26 2010

Who your inlove with doesn't matter , but putting risque pictures of yourself can keep you from getting a job these days , even getting into a college. Kids they live and learn.

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Had to go to Wal-Mart yesterday to get a few things, and as usual I wandered over to the music and movies section. Little by little, I am buying dvds to replace the vhs's that I have worn out over the years.



Beetlejuice and The Green Mile were the "replacements" I picked up. The two new ones were The Bucket List and The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus. Pretty varied list, right? My taste in movies runs the gamut. The other night I was in the mood for something noir-ish and classic so I dug out Mildred Pierce. Gotta love that.



I put on The Bucket List when I got home. Wow. That movie, and Steel Magnolias, made me laugh AND cry almost at the same time. Really good. Of course it makes you think, what things would you want to put on your "bucket list"? For me, it would be traveling. I've never been anywhere really, and would love to visit the UK and see everything I've always wanted. I want to stand on the steps of St. Paul's, peek at Buckingham Palace through the gate, walk around in Harrod's, and take in the galleries and museums.



I just hope I get to do it before I'm too worn out to enjoy it.

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RedQueen
19:55 May 23 2010

ROFLMAO



Ohmigawd, you have no idea here...lol



First, I tell everybody up here if they really want to know what southern women are like, and me in particular, watch "Steel Magnolias". Oizer ain't got SHIT on me...lol



And Mildred Pierce is one of my favorite Joan Crawford movies. And you might want to add "The Women" (the orginal) and "All About Eve" (I'm also a huige Bette Davis fan as well as Joan Crawford....)

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Don't cha hate it when you have a sore foot or toe, and you keep banging it? A couple of days ago I stubbed the big toe on my left foot, then last night when I got up in the night to answer nature's call I whacked it against the edge of the doorway. Then today at work my boss accidentally stepped on it!



Geez, is it swollen and sore. Thank goodness I have this weekend off, I can put it up and rest it. Sleeping is another matter....it hurts to put even a sheet on it! I'll have to prop up the blanket and sheet down at the foot of the bed so they'll stay off my sore toe. I WAS going shopping tomorrow...I'll have to see how it is in the morning. Owie!

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thanatoswhisper
01:08 May 22 2010

Try soaking it in some warm water. it will ease the swelling

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Sometimes I wonder....how different my life would have been if someone had said, "I'm proud of you. You're great." But no one did, and so things went on as they did.



Parents, encourage your children. You never know what they may become, with a little encouragement and a lot of love.

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Saetan
03:51 May 19 2010

You aren't my kid or nothing, but I am proud of you, you are GREAT!!! And then some!

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birra
03:56 May 19 2010

Ditto.



I tell my kids all the time - no matter what roads they choose in life, I'll be by their side. I'm proud of them, I encourage them and I challenge them to always be better, be responsible and never stop learning.



At least I try to, every day.

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Bones
04:06 May 19 2010

Well, I don't have anything to be proud of you for (yet) but, you are great! ;)



Oh, and I don't have any kids!

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CelestiaLaura202
13:20 May 19 2010

I know what your talking about, I was told by mother a ceo secretary I wasn't smart enough to be anything but a factory worker. It is in my 40s , I was told I was smart. I now run my own cable office. And am returning to college next year. I have read the things you can do. Your amazing, I am proud of you.

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Isis101
20:08 May 19 2010

Yes my dear, you are amazing...and witty as hell.

i was lucky to get encouragement growing up, and while I don't have kids, I cheered on my nieces and nephews. Love and encouragement should always be passed down!

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Sinora
11:36 May 20 2010

Hey it's never to late. I'm proud to know ya and I think your great *hugs*

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POST COMMENT

From the website of our local TV channel, a question:



"Do you believe animal testing is necessary for the advancment of research? Text yes or no to XXXXX".



Some guy commented: "NO. Use pedophiles instead."





APPLAUSE!

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LadyDarkRayne
01:56 May 18 2010

omg as soon as i saw the first few words of your post thats all I could think use the pedophiles and murderers that our tax dollars pay for to keep a roof over their heads. in prison while they sit around and work out and play cards and get fed, I mean why use the animals? They have done nothing wrong. ok end rant lol

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CelestiaLaura202
03:35 May 18 2010

That would be a great idea and when they die from what ever is being tested on them , all the better.

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RedQueen
21:35 May 18 2010

HERE, HERE!

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Saetan
03:53 May 19 2010

LMAO AMEN to that!

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Isis101
20:10 May 19 2010

I agree!

Add guys on death row to the research lab as well.

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temptation101
00:21 May 21 2010

I totally agree. They are wasting space in our prisons any ways. Why not expand it to murders and rapists as well?

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Gah! My nerves are shot. I was toodling home from work in my car, when all of a sudden I see some car roaring up on my right, and without signaling, start moving over into my lane..WHILE I'M STILL IN IT!!!



You ever have that happen? Geezus. This woman glances over, sees me, and SHE IS ON HER CELL PHONE. I see her jaw drop and also the phone dropped, she hit her brakes with a screech and slid wayyyy over into her own lane. Meanwhile, out of reflex, I had hit my gas pedal and got the hell out of the way.



I looked in my rear view mirror and saw her sitting on the side of the road.....where there wasn't any parking, by the way....cars trying to go around her, blowing their horns and gesturing out the windows....I bet she was trying to find her cell phone. Probably dropped it down by her feet.



Cripes. It's bad enough trying to look out for things coming at you, but avoiding stuff that comes up behind you in your blind spot is awful. I wish there was some sort of laser you could use to just ping people out of the way who do that stuff.



Our state just got a no-texting law passed, but it doesn't go into effect until December....WHY? Get that thing going right now. The woman in the other car wasn't texting, but she was definitely distracted. Argh!

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Isis101
00:06 May 16 2010

Wow...close shave!

Here in California, we do have a law, thank God - no talking or texting. Some people don't bother with following it, however.

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xxBlueFairyxx
00:37 May 16 2010

At my job we all signed an agreement we wouldn't drive while on the phone or text. In a study a person on the phone in the car is comparable to somebody having 10 drinks. I am glad your alright.

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borked
00:54 May 16 2010

Bleh! more rules. I can envisage an officer comein up and saying, "Look! Your motor's weaving all over the k-, all over the road!" What does he expect? I'm on the fucking phone! Fuck me! He can see that. Don't need more rules to understand why I'm swerving about.

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HAWK2K
01:17 May 17 2010

I've always believed that today's drivers NEVER pay attention to what is happening in front of them. I just almost got hit yesterday coming out of a parking space by some twit who was not paying attention.



I never take calls when I'm driving and and I never call anyone while driving.



It's too damn dangerous for me and everyone else!

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POST COMMENT

Dear Paula Deen, I think you're a treasure and love your recipies, but the subscription department of your magazine blows. I subscribed in February, and every few weeks since then I have received a notice that my subscription is about to end and I need a renewal. Not only that, but the first two issues I receieved (bundled together) were the PREVIOUS two issues, from the Christmas holidays!



After going on the magazine's website and complaining to customer service, I got a message that it was all a glitch and it would soon be sorted out. A week goes by...and I get another letter saying my subscription is ending.



Soo...sorry Paula, I'm letting my subscription lapse. Might buy your mag at the grocery store, but someone needs to fix your funked up delivery service.

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Bones
03:06 May 15 2010

A lot of magazines do that. I had one that would send me that notice monthly, even after just renewing the subscription. It must be automated.

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RedQueen
20:52 May 15 2010

I just had the exact same problem with a quilting magazine called Quilter's Home- I subscribed in November of last year, and NEVER received an issue- amazingly enough my credit card got charged-since I did it online. I emailed them 4 times and told them the problem, and all I got was "well, the magazines are every two months, so you should be getting one in a week or so". Suffice it to say, I never got a single issue, and I cancelled the subscription, with a snotty letter from their subscription department...

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dabbler
01:53 May 18 2010

Shifty individuals employed with subscription departments have targeted seniors with such practices, to inflate their renewal numbers.



As a one time colator I have heard of shady operations that utilize

" hired help" to send replicas of subscription forms, requesting money orders to " keep your subscription up to date".



Getting some companies to stop sending magazines, and subsiquently bills is often a frantic exercise in futility.

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POST COMMENT

One of our competitors in the next town hired a really young girl to work their counter. Evidently she didn't get much training, so they told her to call us (!!) when she had a question and no one else was around. Well, after a couple weeks of endless questions we got a bit fed up.



She phoned again when we were right in the middle of something and didn't have a whole lot of time to bail her out. My boss was on the extension in his office and I was on the main phone while she told us about this difficult customer she had and asked us what to do to please him. I realized an opportunity for a joke, so I said to her "Hey, that sounds like one of our old customers. Ask him if his name is Mike Hunt."



Damned if she didn't say "Sir, are you Mike Hunt?" while my boss was crying laughing so hard, and I heard the customer explode on the other end. The poor dear didn't even know what she had said, so I went on, "well, it's not Mike. My bad. Can I call you back?" and I hung up quick.



My boss came out of his office laughing. "You are mean and rotten," he told me shaking a finger.



"My old ass gets in a good one every now and then," I said. Heh.

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Sinora
13:53 May 14 2010

Nice one lol

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Isis101
00:10 May 16 2010

OMG - I can't stop laughing...you are just terrible - LOL!

But anyway - what a lot of nerve for the competition to have an employee call YOU for help...it ain't like you all are getting paid for your services!

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POST COMMENT

My life is so boring,

Everything's lame.

There's nothing exciting,

It's all just the same.

My bedroom is boring

And so are my clothes.

If I had some real friends

I'd be bored with those.

School is real boring

I mostly sleep through it.

I got fired from my job

Cos I was too bored to do it.

The internet's boring.

There's just nothing there!

Millions of websites

And I just don't care.

Movies are boring,

I've seen every one.

XBox is boring

and Playstation's no fun.

I don't have a love life,

Just boring bad luck.

I broke up with my girlfriend,

She was too bored to fuck!

Everything's boring

(Huge eye roll and sigh)

But I guess I'll keep living

I'm too bored to die.



----This is SATIRE people, I am not really bored! I wrote this in answer to all the Kismets and journal entries on here that start out "I'm sooooo bored!"

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xxBlueFairyxx
03:27 May 11 2010

I am rolling , you have wonderful sarcasm. Lol

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BLOODLIFE
08:34 May 11 2010

I luv it!!! You captured the moment! lol

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Isis101
21:29 May 11 2010

Wow - this is good. And funny as all hell. I can see it being swiped - put a copyright on it ASAP!

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thanatoswhisper
02:10 May 13 2010

I like it :D

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dabbler
01:57 May 18 2010

Two Thumbs Up.. that made me laugh..

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POST COMMENT

Wow, here's one that made my jaw drop. The funny part is, in his photo he's dressed like a cowboy, big ol ten-gallon hat, big ass buckle on his jeans...and he states his location as....France? LOL!



"Extreme combination slave/ pet, pain pig and sex slut wanted.

For lifelong extreme and bizarre usage by someone who is prepared to go all the way.

I posess very few limits!

Those limits I do posess include serious injury, amputation, death and the involvement of children."



Geez, dude...whatever happened to a cup of coffee and a nice chat?

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Bijou
23:35 May 08 2010

the coffee and cha come later...you have to earn that. lol

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xxBlueFairyxx
03:00 May 09 2010

Wow, that puts a new twist to chock full of nuts.

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Isis101
20:04 May 09 2010

I wanted to barf while reading this...at least you made me laugh at the end.

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POST COMMENT

Asshat customer story of the day.



We do shoe repair as well as clean and repair leathers and suedes. I am being trained to do the shoes, and can do most of the minor repairs. A seam comes out, no problem. I can also identify what needs to be done when you bring your shoe in. A lot of guys don't like this. They want a MAN to wait on them so they can talk shop and shoot the breeze.



Today a guy came in with a boot he wanted re-soled. I looked at it and could see that the whole bottom was cracked, and the uppers were rotted out. Chunks of it were falling all over the counter. "I"m sorry," I told him, "your uppers have rotted out. There's no fixing that."



"You don't know what you're talking about! Go get the GUY who does this," the man said rather irritably.



The GUY who does this was fixing the pump on the dry cleaning machine and wasn't about to walk up to the front just to tell a customer something I had told them a second ago. The customer yells out "I WANT A MAN TO SERVE ME! THIS GIRL DOESN'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHOES!"



My other boss came round the corner and went right up to the customer. "As a matter of fact, she DOES know shit about shoes, and a lot of other things. And I don't like you disrespecting my staff."



"I want my damn shoe fixed and she said it's rotten! I never heard such shit", the customer went on.



My boss looked at the boot. "It IS rotten. You should have brought it in long before it got to this state. There is nothing we can do for it."



Customer: "Well, all right, I believe YOU. Not HER." and he points at me.



I was so pissed off, I just came out with: "If you ever come in here and it's just me, you'll have to wait a hell of a long time before you get any service."



His parting shot was :"Some things women just don't know about. Shoe repair is one."



Wonder if it bothers him that his balls are so tiny.

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Morrigon
02:42 May 07 2010

Clueless piece of self concious shit.

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LadyKrystalynDarkstar
04:37 May 07 2010

Indeed an asshat. Wow.

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Bones
07:00 May 07 2010

On top of being an ass he's also a cheap bastard. Try to repair rotted leather rather than buy a new pair of shoes?



Oh, and you're quite talented! ;)

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BLOODLIFE
08:34 May 07 2010

I think it's great your boss stood beside you and didn't try to appease him.

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Sinora
12:41 May 07 2010

I hope you get extra pay for shoe know-how lol

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RedQueen
19:38 May 07 2010

*shaking head*



You're a better man than I am Gunga DIn...



fucktard...

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Isis101
23:02 May 07 2010

Oh Lord...apparently, there are still un-evolved cavemen walking about.

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CelestiaLaura202
15:19 May 08 2010

I work for a cable company , I get men who don't believe me when I tell them the problem is a signal issue in the line and not the dvr. One of my techs will come out and tell them the same thing and the bozos will believe them. You have a great boss.

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POST COMMENT

My boss' eldest daughter graduates in just a few weeks, and they are JUST NOW getting around to scoping out her college courses. Geezus, I thought you did all that in your junior year. By now it should be all set where you are going after you graduate, college-wise.



So, she and her dad went up to the campus to meet with the admissions people. They were quite shocked when the admissions people told them this should have been sorted out ages ago....the course Brianne wants to take has over a year-long waiting list, PLUS there were classes she was supposed to take in high school in preparation for it...which she didn't. So now, instead of banging around all summer with daddy paying for gas and car insurance, she has to go to summer school.



I mean, really. How embarrassing must that have been, to be told, gee, you should have done this a long time ago, and since you didn't, you have to wait? And take more classes?



She wants to be a firefighter. Not what I would have thought she wanted. This girl looks EXACTLY like that Snooki Polizzi from Jersey Shores, I mean the long black hair, pouf on top, tons of eyeliner, baked on tan, and fingernails out to THERE. I don't know how her parents let her out of the house looking like that. But hey, if she wants to be a firefighter, so for it.



Like I told her dad, all that heat and smoke will make her mascara run. :P

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Isis101
23:05 May 07 2010

LOL! Snooki puttin' out the fires? I think that I would rather put out any of my own with spit.

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POST COMMENT

Had to spend part of my Saturday phoning people who had prom dresses, shoes, etc. at the store, to remind them to come pick them up before we closed. Since we close earlier on Saturdays than we do during the week, I just knew a couple people would be caught short.



And I was right. Of the 5 orders for prom things, 3 got picked up. The other two, I left messages on their phones but I had a funny feeling something was going to happen since they never phoned back or stopped in.



The new chief of police here did not think it was funny that customers called the police on Saturday night demanding to be let into the dry cleaners to get their prom clothes! The chief stopped by to tell us that from now on, anyone who phones 911 to try and pick up their cleaning after hours gets a ticket. He said he lectured one distraught mama about time management and she kept insisting it was not her fault, she didn't know we closed early, she had other errands to run and was running late....it was NOT HER FAULT.



Really. Whose fault was it then? YOUR clothes, YOUR responsiblity to pick them up. Don't blame other people for your stuff. We did OUR part...we cleaned the items on time and had them all ready for you. We even phoned to remind you! But did the mama check her messages? Noooo!



Hope she enjoys paying her nuisance ticket. Oh by the way, my boss was driving by the shop on his way to pick up his daughter at her baseball game and he saw this woman standing at the front door banging on the door. He didn't know she had phoned the police, but he did get her clothes out for her, so her daughter could get to prom on time. If he hadn't have gone by right then, it would have been quite a mess.



So, alls well that ends well....mostly.

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Bijou
01:20 May 04 2010

ahh the good ol'days of dry cleaning.

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CelestiaLaura202
01:47 May 04 2010

some people need to be turned upside down until the blood rushed to the brain. How ungratful.

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birra
04:08 May 04 2010

It might be good marketing to offer to stay open a couple extra hours on the night of the prom... just saying.

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Isis101
23:07 May 07 2010

And people wonder why kids these days seem unaccountable for anything they say or do...just look at their parents.

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POST COMMENT

Another winning profile from another site I visit:



"We are a group of wealthy individuals who use and abuse women and shemales for our pleasure. We select slaves to be trained in the most barbaric and perverted way, there are no limits and no safewords. This is not a game it is a life choice and a very extreme one. Very few will be suited, if you are, contact us and one of our number will guide you to the crucible."



I'll say one thing, men in the UK (as this one is) are some craaaaaaazy wicked dudes. But...I also think this may have been written by a guy who works in a cubicle, you know, just some guy in the office...wanting to sound big and bad. Maybe he lives with his mum and is over 40 and hasn't had a date since Prince Charles was a lad...so he came up with this thing.



Whatever floats your boat. Not my cup of tea though!

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coolleyhou
23:27 May 01 2010

There are some crazy ones in Germany as well, but generally the Militärpolizei shoot them!

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CelestiaLaura202
00:05 May 02 2010

I bet he does live with his mother.

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Anachronism
00:50 May 02 2010

Is this from the same site where that guy was advertising for girls that would be "set free" after he did what he wanted to them? Freaking crazy...

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Isis101
03:34 May 02 2010

Eeeew...not my cup of tea either. I don't like piss or jack-juice in mine.

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RedQueen
04:52 May 02 2010

Jeebus gal, what kind of place do you hang out on?...lol

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POST COMMENT

Ever have one of those days where everything goes the way you need it to...when you get your work done before hand and have some time to relax, when the customers are nice and everything flows smoothly? When you need something, it's right there and you don't have to hunt all over for it, and you come home with energy and looking forward to the next work day? Ever have days like that?



Me neither. :P

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Bijou
03:25 May 01 2010

I have but at some point there is a catch for a day like that

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Bones
03:48 May 01 2010

Yup! It's the reward for focus, determination, and positive thinking. ;)



Yeah, it does exist.

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Sinora
11:23 May 01 2010

You had me there, lmao.

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POST COMMENT

Yep, Bloodlife was right...all it was, was a fuse...just a loose fuse. One lil tweak and I have my radio back...and the cd player works again! Hooray. It was WAY too quiet in the car. I need some background noise!

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Bones
06:14 May 01 2010

How about a backseat driver? ;)

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BLOODLIFE
09:35 May 01 2010

I'm glad you got it sorted. Gotta have music.

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POST COMMENT